Waiting

The waiting is killing me. It's been hinted at that I am going to get in by an actual person in the TaLK Office of S. Korea, but with no acceptance email or anything, my doubts start to creep back at me.

I start thinking about the mistakes I have made. One thing that I was really bothered by is the fact that I didn't have a chance to show them my level of written and spoken Korean. I mean, it's not anything close to fluent, but I know a lot of people that apply to this program don't know a lick of the language (which isn't necessarily a bad thing and I'll say more on that later). During the interview, the Korean man asked me how good my Korean was. And I could have started wowing him by jumping into a very short but very properly pronounced conversation with him (Korean people are ALWAYS amazed that I even speak a little Korean, and mind you, that's all I can speak). But instead I said (in Korean): "Oh, my Korean is not good." WHY did I do that?! However, I know that in Korean culture (as well as other cultures such as Japan) being humble is the social norm. Or at least acting humble. The fact that I told him in perfectly pronounced Korean that my Korean wasn't good-- the irony must not have been lost on him. I thought it was the proper thing to do then, but now I wonder if I had just started counting to 10 and saying "hello, goodbye, I'm hungry" would it have been better?
Oh and by the way, that was not me being stuck up haha. Korean people always say that when I speak it sounds like a Korean person and the pronunciation is really good. Even my Korean language partner (a native Korean speaker assigned to us by my Korean teacher to help us practice Korean and do homework) gets confused when I call her on the phone. She always thinks it is my Korean teacher calling her (they are friends), and has to check the Caller I.D. haha.
Those two are actually the ones who wrote my recommendation letters. You know, my language partner let me read a copy of it before she sealed it up, and I cried. She really thinks highly of me. I expected it be half bullshitted, but you could tell it was genuine.


But overall, I think I've done well. I got my documents to the Consulate in a timely fashion. I didn't screw up during my interview. And the woman from the TaLK Office who did my phone interview seemed to genuinely like me. I'm pretty sure they are probably not allowed to say things to applicants such as "I know good news will be coming your way soon" and "Well I've already made my decision already". I felt confident at the beginning of this week when I had that phone call, but it's days later now and my anxiety is not letting me win this one so easily.

Right now, I'm not worried about the horror stories I've heard about racism. I'm not worried about having a bad co-teacher. I'm only worried about getting on to S. Korean soil, breathing S. Korean air (which I heard isn't really all that good anyway, mind you), and walking beneath a S. Korean moon.

저는 한국애 가고싶어요... (I want to go to Korea.)